Raina Terry Moonbane

[Raina Moonbane]

BASIC

Name: Raina Moonbane

Age: 16

Gender: Female

Desired House/Staff Position: Slytherin

Year: 6th

Race: Caucasian

Weight/Height: (optional).

Pet: Ivory (Black Cat)

MAGIC

Wand Type: Pine and Basilisk Skin, 13 1/3 inches

Patronus: Wolf

Favorite Class/es (1+):

-DADA
-Potions
-Transfiguration
-COMC

Least Favorite Class/es (1+):
-Herbology
-Divination
PERSONALITY

Likes (3+)

-Being alone at times

-Being a Pureblood

-Her cat

-Her father

Dislikes (3+):

-Gryffindors

- First Years

- The Daily Prophet

-Larger crowds (20+ People)

Strengths (3+):

-Excells in DADA

- Excellent at Potions

- Pretty good in Transfiguration

-
Weaknesses (3+):

- Lags in Herbology

- Terrible at Healing

- No solid relationships

Character Description: Silvery eyes glint in the candlelight as you glance across the table at her, with a meetable glare, but you choose not to. Glossy, straight, waist-length black hair tumbles down her back and some over her shoulders, her pale face serious, but soft in some points, as if she would like a friend, but is protected by an outer shell. Her slender, toned stomach is thought by many to be the result of a workout, but a few curves stick out despite the efforts. A slight warmness glows in the soft depths of her eyes, but is struggling to stay by her shyness, and you see she is clutching her wand hard with a gradually softening grip, her teeth still . "Well?" she asks lightly, "What is it?" Her tones aren't emotionless. Light concern is floating in every tone. You can tell she could have seen better days as a child. You can't find words to comment politely. Afterwards, she raised her wand, curses under her breath, loud enough for you to hear the fuzzy outline of the swearing, and then stalks off, shoulders hunched.

Personality Outline:

Raina can tend to be very secluded, but she sort of weaves in and out of relationships much, and has at least a slight love for her mother that burns in a locked away part of her heart reserved for her despite the shallowness of their relationships, and rarely shows passion for her younger sister, but will show love occasionally. She and her father are rather closer than most think, and tends to think of herself like the alpha wolf. If you can find the key, you may get on her good side, you just need to search. Inside Hogwarts, she tends to stay back, but words won't crack her shell as easy as she acts.

Background

Mother: Terese Moonbane, 40, Unemployed

Father: Jackson 'Jacky' Moonbane, 47, Flourish and Blotts Employer

Siblings:

Savannah Moonbane, 12, Hogwarts Student (NPC)


Country of Origin: Britian

Heritage: Pureblood

History: When Raina was born, her parents were divorced and she never met her father. Her mother was much too busy with her job to pay much attention. Once she was ten, her birthdays were more and more lonesome every year. Children from her class at a temporary muggle school were too scared of her to come. Her mother was still too busy, so she spent her birthdays alone in the basement while she worked from home. Fed up at age eleven with her mother's ignorance of her, waiting impatiently for the Hogwarts acceptance letter with some of her list collected, such as clothing, she overthrew her mother's job by sabatoging the work she had, and clueless of her daughter's vandilization, she sent it off. She was fired the day that Raina was sent to Hogwarts, where she had gotten her pet cat, Ivory, at Magical Menagerie, and had met her father briefly in Diagon Alley collecting her books. Once at Hogwarts, the lone-wolf act continued on. None of the other first years cared to be her friend, except for one, who was soonafter expelled. It was the same in the later years, and now she impatiently awaits her sixth year to start.

[Thomas Baker]

Reading through this.. I get quite a strong vibe of the character being "evil", "dark", "gothic", etcetera, in a rather stereotypical fashion. Apart from being a bit unrealistic as far as traits go, characters that are skewed entirely to being "dark" can be quite difficult to integrate into roleplay.

This post about Slytherins might help you expand on her character while making her a more rounded character.

If you could tone down on these darker aspects of her, and make her more realistic to being a sixteen year old at boarding school, it'd be great.

[Thomas Baker]

Still looks the same.
I'd like to see adjustments to her Likes, Strengths, and Description, especially.
(Reply when you've edited so staff can be alerted to it.)

[Raina Moonbane]

Done. Put extra info in brackets near the holidays in the likes and obliterated darkness from it, then changed Dark Arts to DADA. Anything else I should add?

[Thomas Baker]

It's still..
Well, to put it lightly, stereotypically "dark/emo/gothic". It evokes the infamous fanfiction My Immortal (If you're unfamiliar, here's the link) as opposed to being a well-rounded character.

A few lines that stand out from the application that fit the above-mentioned "stereotype" as well as being borderline perfectionist/"Mary-Sue"-ish.:

• Fridays the 13ths in October (Birthday)
  
  
• Halloween (Sister's Birthday)
  
  
• Silvery eyes glint in the candlelight as you glance across the table at her, and try not to meet the glare.
  
  
• A coldness lurks in the depths of her eyes, melted like an icecube as she looks you up and down a bit more
  
  
• Anger is detectable in every hollow-brinked tone
  
  
• Her slender, toned stomach is thought by many to be the result of a workout, but they are but in her genes.
  
  

I'm not trying to be mean, or to pick on you, and you're certainly not the first that's come up with a similar type of character. This is to help you create a character that can smoothly integrate into roleplay.

[Raina Moonbane]

Okay, edited. I deleted the holidays, and deleted the 'genes' part of her descripton and added something to it.

[Thomas Baker]

All right - looks good now. Thank you for your cooperation.

Welcome to Slytherin!